Introducing myself has never been an easy task for me, especially when it needs to be concise. When it comes to discussing my work, I can’t even figure out where to begin.

To be honest, my work is negative, self-reflective, and confused; it mirrors my current reality and my psychological world, which I am unafraid to display but too ashamed to talk about. To me, presenting my raw, bleeding interior and then being asked to talk about it feels almost obscene. Hence, I rarely use words to explain my pieces.

Besides some possibly genuine or false praise, I have received an equal amount of negative feedback.

If you've read this far and are still interested in continuing, I am grateful. Perhaps you might have a clear answer to my confusion.

I believe that every viewer interprets my work differently, and I appreciate this diversity.

Occasionally, I wonder whether most viewers can at least resonate with me enough to understand that these works are about negative emotions. What I am curious about is how many people would bravely reveal their true thoughts when such intensely personal feelings are brought to the forefront for discussion.

I have always believed that good art should be able to stir the audience’s emotions, prompting people to think. At the very least, I hope my work can achieve this. Therefore, comments like "disgusting" or "terrifying" also bring me joy, even though they are not my original intent in creating the work.

But is this joy pure? No, it is mixed with a somewhat perverse satisfaction, and I still can't figure out the reason for it.

My second curiosity is why there is such a reaction.

Maybe the naked body is too challenging for some to view? Or the dense repetitive shapes trigger trypophobia? Or perhaps some people relate it to their own emotional issues, which makes it unbearable and provokes strong resistance? I hope it’s the last reason. I aggressively hope to tear apart everyone’s facade.

"Yibei (1998) is a sculptor. She has always been interested in the human condition. Her curiosity about human behavior and emotions fuels her creativity. The project '...' presents a series of abstract figurative sculptures that visualize the feeling of being trapped in a cycle of negative emotions. Through her self-healing process, the artist hopes to initiate more conversations and raise public awareness about mental health, conveying the message 'You are not alone' to the audience." This is how my personal profile for university submission reads, which is complete nonsense.

Most of the time, I am not thinking about self-healing. Pain and all negative emotions are the nutrients for my survival; I live off them. It’s not that I haven’t tried to create something uplifting, but I just can’t.

I remember reading somewhere that people tend to remember pain and suffering more clearly, while happiness is fleeting. Someone also said that when you’re at rock bottom, it means it’s time to bounce back. I firmly believe this, so I constantly monitor whether I am at my lowest point. It’s only when things are especially bad that I feel a glimmer of hope. But gradually, I became too obsessed with this feeling and increasingly familiar with coexisting with it. The result is that I always hit rock bottom, with no chance to rebound. Occasionally, I do bounce back, but it’s always too intense—not only do I fall back to rock bottom, but I also dig out an even deeper low.

Now, I’m tired of bouncing, so I curl up in my comfortable low point and look up.